Thursday, July 25, 2013

Updates...

We were able to go to a chiropractor about my back. After x-rays and all the 'bend here' and 'does that hurt', we found out some information about what was going on...

At the bottom of my spine, where my hips are, my spine was out of alignment and leaning left. It was compressing the discs in my spine and causing nerve pain and damage. By the time my spine reaches my neck, I had lost 50% of the curve to my spine. This was causing nerve pain, headaches, and such...

They started treatment and I improved drastically. I was going 3 times a week, but I am now going once a week. I have had little to no back pain and minor shoulder/neck pain. I have had to slow down and stop doing 50thousand things every day. I have to carry a smaller diaper bag and carry it in hand, not on my shoulder. I have to not carry Caleb around as much. (P.S. He is NOT AT ALL HAPPY about that!!!). I just have to be smart and slow and not do as much as I normally do. I also have to use an ice pack regularly to help with the swelling around the nerves.

We also gave up the dog. She has found a wonderful new home. I am still upset about losing her, but at 65 pounds, she was just too big for me to take care of right now. I still get up and feel like I need to feed her or let her out... I know it will pass... It's just going to take a little time. She was by my side through the bed-rest of my last pregnancy. She was a wonderful pet for the 2 years we had her...

I know I need to stick to the Dr's orders and keep on the right path so that I can do what I need to for my family...

Anyhow...

Zach turns 6 years old tomorrow. His party is Saturday. He chose a puppy dog theme.

The two big kids go back to school on August 2nd. That's one week away. Maybe the chaos of life will calm down once we get back on schedule.

Bryan is still looking for another job. I am still selling things online. We are still sinking... I know God will provide before we actually hit bottom, but my type A personality has certainly struggled letting go and letting God handle this financial valley we are in. We have been helped by a few dear sweet friends and we are so blessed to have such wonderful people around us right now. Bryan is waiting to hear from a possible job... just praying and working and waiting...

That's about it, I guess...

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

10 year anny - Vow renewal - dream wedding - plans 3 years in the making...

A few years ago I started planning what would have been my 'dream wedding'. We were going to have a vow renewal for our 10 year anniversary coming up in August. Due to a lot of different things, we won't be doing it after all. I had it all planned out though, planned just how I wanted, to the detail... so I figured I'd share... from the beginning to the end.

The invites would have been tan or brown paper, maybe with a cream lace pattern on it mailed out in tan craft paper envelopes. Just something simple inviting our friends and family to celebrate with us.
Like this...
 

The tables would have had cream colored table clothes with a burlap table runner. The plates, cups, and flatware would have been clear plastic. The napkins would have been brown or sage green. The centerpieces would have been split - lanterns, sitting on lace squares, filled with moss and tea lights with moss, pinecones, baby's breath, and acorns scattered around them. The other half of the centerpieces would have been mason jars, with jute and lace wrapped around them, filled with moss and tea lights, sitting on a lace square with moss, acorns, pinecones, and baby's breath around it.





We would have had trees, ferns, plants all over the fireplace.

We would have a food table, drink table, and cake table. They would have all had the same cream/burlap/lace theme. Decorated with moss, rocks, pinecones, acorns, sticks, log slices...




We would have water, tea, lemonade, and coffee for drinks.
I wanted a tiered cake. Vanilla and chocolate layers with buttercream icing. I wanted it decorated like tree stumps/logs stacked on one another... like these





For the food, I wanted simple... like a picnic... sandwiches, rolls, cheese, meats, spreads, crackers, fruits, simple pasta salads or Caesar salads... I would have included smoked salmon, shrimp salad, and cold carrot salad (which my mom used to make) because of what they mean to me...





I also want to have two other cakes on our dessert table - a red velvet and an apple spice cake with caramel frosting - because of what they mean to us... maybe a banana cream pie and a lemon meringue pie too... that's a lot of sweets though...

If we have a ceremony, and I carry flowers - it will just be a mix of fern leaves, baby's breath, and fiddle head ferns.




I would have wore a cream dress - an old prom dress of mine - unless I could get something else. I'd do my hair something like this...



I'd have Ayla in something like these...

 



And all the boys in something like this...


Other neat things that I wanted to incorporate...

 
 Smore Favors?
 
Princess Bride quote - Love it!!!

Arch for vows?

Hangout space outside the fellowship hall

food labels written on log slices

or written on window panes...
 
 
And while I am dreaming... my wedding band no longer fits my finger, it could easily be widened just a bit to fit - or I love these bands, if I was to ever get a new band...
 



I think that pretty much sums it all up... oh, except...

If we have a ceremony, I want to come out to an instrumental version of the song "Storybook Love" from 'The Princess Bride'...

Anyhow... that's how I have it planned... whenever we get around to doing it...

... I hope I had enough photos for ya! LOL!

Zachman!!!



Ayla Bug



My kids - in the digital

Zach's Citizenship Award at graduation

Ayla at Graduation. She also got a citizenship award.

Last day of 2nd for Ayla and last day of Kindergarten for Zach.
 
Yeah. He knows he is a cutie. 

His 1st birthday photos, taken by me of course...



SMILE! :D


Kids... all 4 of them...

Now that I updated everyone about myself... how about an update on my kids.

First off. Angel. My furry baby. She is overweight since I can't take her for regular walks. She sheds like crazy, which means I need to vacuum every other day or it gets nasty. She is also way too protective of me and the house. She growls and barks whenever anyone comes in the house. She growls and barks when she hears a car outside. She does okay with the kids, especially given how much Caleb harasses her. She really needs some space to run and play and get exercise.

Caleb. Clingy. Cute. He bites and throws things. He sits in the hall or by the front door and bangs his head against the wall. He flops on the floor and throws tantrums. He gets in to everything. We have kitchen chairs barricading areas of the house where he is not allowed. He eats all the time, because he burns it off so fast. He never stops. He is always moving. He gets mad if we are out somewhere and I leave him. He will only leave me for Bryan. Otherwise, he screams and cries. He is slowly coming out of that though... He is completely off the bottle and has started sleeping most the night or all night. Next step is potty training, I guess...I'll probably start when Ayla and Zach go back to school next month.

Zachary. Climbing, jumping, running, sliding, my monkey-of-a-son. He is usually covered in bruises or scrapes from his most recent adventure. He can't talk without yelling most of the time. You have to tell him about 4 or 5 times before he listens. He takes 20 minutes to eat a snack and half the time he doesn't even finish his food. He is talking better and is doing well reading, so school this year should be a great help for him. And he has a birthday coming up. FUN!

Ayla. She had her 8th birthday - and her first sleepover party! She just had her 8 year check up this morning. She is very healthy - good hearing, okay sight, good height and weight. She does have a problem. She is anxious. She worries about everything. Her biggest problem right now is causing nightmares, tummy aches, anxiety, separation problems. She is scared that I am going to die. She has to 'check' every 10 minutes at home to make sure I am still there. She won't go play with other kids. She won't spend the night anywhere. She won't even sit with other people at church. We are taking steps to fix that issue. It breaks my heart that she worries so much about things. She should be having fun and enjoying being an 8year old girl...

And so all of that - plus my health problems and our current financial situation - means we don't make it out much. We haven't done much of anything all summer. But I am hoping to change that, even (actually especially) if it means that my kids have to spend time away from me. I'm not sure I believe it when I say it, but it is actually better for all of us if they could spend more time away from me... just not sure how to make that happen right now.

So I guess if anyone out there reads this and wants to 'borrow' my kids for a day, let me know.

Pain in the... back

I never had any kind of back pain until I had Ayla. I gained a lot if weight during the 41 week pregnancy. She was also 'sunny-side-up' which means for the 35 hours that I was in labor, I was in back-labor. Once she arrived, by force, I had some minor back pain from the epidural.

Two years later, I had Zach. Except a severe spinal headache a few days after the C-section, I felt alright for the most part. I lost a lot of weight and felt okay.

Then, I started having back and knee pain. Sometimes my shoulders would hurt. We didn't do anything about it.

After I had the miscarriage, I never got rid of the extra weight and my pain increased. It still wasn't bad and it wasn't an all-the-time sort of thing.

Well, after all the issues with Caleb's delivery, I have been in almost constant pain.

It's like this...

0 = no pain
1 = minor discomfort
2 = moderate discomfort
3 = major discomfort, starting to really hurt
4 = it hurts, minor but hurting
5 = it hurts, really
6 = pain, 'you should take something for that' pain
7 = more pain, 'you should get that checked out' pain
8 = don't want to move pain
9 = want to curl up in the fetal position and cry pain
10 = I must be dying pain

On an average day, I wake up at a 3.
If I have to run errands like buying groceries, or if I have to clean house - I'll reach a 6 easily.
Sundays, after getting the kids ready/fixing lunch/2 services holding Caleb/standing and walking around visiting - by the time I get to bed I'm often an 8.
For the past 2 hours, I've been at a 9.

But I have 3 kids at home that have to be fed, cared for, and such... Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning... a dog to feed and let outside... not to mention any PLP/H2H work that I might have to do.

The pain in my back is bad, but I think it is also causing other issues.
I often have a 'knot' feeling in my left shoulder and a pain that runs all the way down my arm in to my left wrist. It makes it hard to lift, carry, hold, grasp, twist... well, you get the idea.
I also have a lot of problems with my knees. They get weak and won't hold my weight. I also get pains that run down my legs.
I often have a sore neck/shoulders.

Then last week, Wednesday night, something 'new' happened. I was sitting and felt light headed and dizzy. I have anemia, so I'm used to the lightheaded feeling, but I was sitting. I was holding Caleb, so I put him down. Then I had 3 fingers on my left hand go numb and then start to tingle as if they had fallen asleep. Then I got the same tingly feeling on my face - around my eyebrows, my cheekbones, and the tops of my ears. My vision blurred and then I had a bright spot in my eyes. It all lasted less than a minute and then I had a horrible headache the rest of the night.

Well, that was scary. Bryan and I decided I needed to find out what is wrong with my back. We were going to save up the money for the appointment and then go. Well, a dear friend of mine found out about Wednesday and gave me a check to pay for the appointment.

Tomorrow morning - Wednesday, July 10, 2013 - I am going in to find out how bad the 'significant curve' in my spine is and see if that is what is causing all these other issues. I don't care what is wrong - I know God has healed me already - but I need relief from the constant pain. I want to be able to do my duty as a mom. I want to be able to have fun with my kids. I want to be able to walk without limping.

I'll do my best to blog about the visit, but no promises... Not sure who reads this anyhow...